My boyfriend still helps his ex. Yes at first I didn’t care to see a picture of him kissing someone else but it’s not like I’m unaware he was married before so it doesn’t make me upset or anything. After all, the pain caused by a breakup is enough to lead to Dear Reader, I feel for both of you as you struggle with the ghost of your boyfriend’s ex—each in your own way. In addition, any relationship can be threatened by an ex. May 14, 2024 · 24. I also think if you offer to clean somebody’s space and they say no, is it important to respect that wish. 12. Emotional Comparisons and Lessons Learned: One possible reason why your boyfriend brings up his ex is to make emotional comparisons and share lessons he learned from that past relationship. Even if he did, I wouldn't be threatened Explain how you feel and listen how he feels. ChocolateChouxCream. Therapist Natalie Jambazian said Aug 25, 2023 · You may have concerns if your boyfriend is still helping his ex girlfriend, but building trust is about understanding each other’s boundaries and finding a compromise that works for both of you. She doesn't follow him, and made the first move to delete him from Facebook. Today, let's try to help out our reader who has a bit of a problem with a certain co-worker of her boyfriend. And don't sweat stuff. If you don't get it, resolve to leave too. You described your relationship as "regular". He and his ex-wife were together 27 years. Aug 28, 2023 · A therapist counsels a woman whose boyfriend won't block his lovelorn ex-girlfriend – even though she's demanded it. 6. In order for someone to heal they must first acknowledge there is something to be healed (or brought into balance ). She constantly wants to hang out with him, but many times he declines. Also I think comparing yourself to his ex could be destructive to your mental state. My boyfriend has been divorced for four years and gets along with his ex-wife; they have two children, 16 and 18. If your partner can’t forgive their previous relationships, they won’t completely trust you. Sep 28, 2017 · This goes hand-in-hand with the previous question. He was with her for a long time, and had some great experiences with her, so I would never ask him to delete them. This allows your partner to speak and be heard without you making assumptions. 1. Your hunch telling you, “My boyfriend still loves his ex-girlfriend” might be right if he acts like a commitment-phobe around you. Acknowledge and healthily express all feelings you experience. You fear your partner's ex is plotting to get back together (and will succeed). A sign that a big part of him is still with her is when he does not discuss the future with you. He might have old stuff from their relationship, but I've never asked. You cannot fathom how your partner could possibly be over Dec 15, 2009 · Psychologist’s Reply. You may notice him spending a significant amount of time scrolling through her Advice: He Keeps Helping His Ex | Psychology TodayDo you feel uncomfortable when your partner is still in contact with his ex and offering her advice? Learn how to deal with this situation and set Feb 19, 2023 · 1) Don’t break up impulsively. Anytime a man is still friends with his ex, this could be one of the additional signs he is not over his ex. Jul 26, 2013 · It sounds like dude is still emotionally attached to his ex! After this amount of time, you have an obligation to yourself to get answers. Okay, so you are in the right on this one. If the answer is yes, he is not the one. In this delicate situation, in which you are the person your partner left the relationship Jun 24, 2015 · My long-distance significant other and I have been dating for a little over two years. It’s their personal space and their room. I think this is a great opportunity for you to reflect on why Basically, everything your boyfriend is doing for and to his ex is something you can’t accept. On the flip side then, you might find that he’s not really letting you in. While time is the best healer, there are five concrete steps you can take that will facilitate the process florallover. Closure isn't something you get from an ex: you find it by mentally moving on. Friends reach out to each other when they're upset in order to get support. As I recall myself, one way of coming Oct 8, 2019 · Background Information: We have been together for 2. Your relationship is meant to be his safe space thus, be mature and wise to show him how you differ from his past partner and relationship. A factor that increases the damage that is done to a couple is the fact that this activity One such situation is when your boyfriend still helps his ex-girlfriend. I know you asked how you can get him to stop his behavior “without pushing him away,” but My boyfriend, being the good man he is, tried to cheer me up by comforting me and saying nice things. A couple having a heated Jun 14, 2021 · Not OK: Your Partner Calls Their Ex When They’re Mad At You. I didn’t know what to say, so I just didn’t say anything. Sep 4, 2018 · First, that it is 100 percent OK for your partner to be friends with their ex. His friendship with his ex may hinder your relationship, especially if your love is new. The Ex's Name Slips Out During Sexual Climax. It could also just be that your bf just really likes the items. Know YOUR value as a person and a partner. Maybe he doesnt still have feelings over them but traumatized or they might have effect his emotions really deep. true. It brothers me that he smiles and all Me & my boyfriend have only been dating for 2,5 months, but his ex FWB has been a problem since before we started dating. If he gets secretive, you must confront him immediately. By allowing emotions to come and go, you gain control over them rather than them controlling you. What does seem clear is that your boyfriend sincerely considers it mostly his fault that they divorced, and both he and his ex-wife Jun 11, 2023 · 4. He’s struggling to open up, struggling to allow that connection to grow in a deeper level. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. Oct 31, 2020 · Thankfully, jealousy does not rank among the wide-range of emotions our living arrangement has brought up. • 4 yr. Admittedly, this is easier said than done. It would seem obvious to me to tell an ex (that still wants me) that I'm currently seeing someone. Dear Crazy in Dallas, Nov 8, 2011 · 5. You can just tell that he's not over her It is understandable that you would feel this way. Either way, he is with you because he wants to be with YOU, not some ghost. Before I came along, they had a ridiculous relationship where his ex insisted that, aside from not living together, they carried on as if they were still together in every other sense. He still talks to her. While dealing with exes can be challenging, especially if the breakup There is nothing wrong with keeping things from someone that you use to date, imo. My bf and his ex ended on bad terms so they were not following each other on any social media platforms during the beginning of my relationship with my bf. If his ex was indeed the love of his life, her defection may have severely traumatised him. We’ve been together for almost a year now and we’ve definitely had our ups and downs, but throughout all of it, I’ve felt loved, respected, and cared for. Regarding the first issue : if he tells you he's over it, then you have to trust him OP. I spent most of the time at this place and didn’t get to talk to him cos there was no reception. However, it sounds like your boyfriend is trying to be honest with you about his feelings and he wants to be with you. He should also be aware of how rude that is to you. Don't wait for them, you've given them more time than is wise already. His ex might left him in a fucked up scenario and he might not be over the break up. Now, your next step is to express that to your boyfriend and to tell him what you’ll do if the boundary isn’t respected: You’ll end the relationship. I keep a box of letters, cards, gifts from ex boyfriends/previous dates. If something doesn't feel right, or you think your partner might be Aug 29, 2015 · The bottom line is that it hurts and that the pain is preventing you from moving forward. 25. It’s never easy to bring up a difficult conversation, especially if it has to do with your partner’s ex. My first impulse was to end things with him right after he started getting into this whole thing about still having feelings for his ex. During orgasm, the mind is totally uninhibited, making it easier for someone else’s name to slip out, Gray says. He is in his early 30s and I am in my mid 20s. Any time you find yourself thinking about his ex If he hangs out with her and HASN'T told her he's in a relationship, that's a red flag all on it's own. [1] Be careful not to cast blame on your partner. He said, “Don’t worry, when I get married, I’ll invite you. I’ve notice that he still has pictures of his ex girlfriend he dated for three years. Talk about bad timing. Reflecting on past experiences can provide valuable insights and contribute to personal growth. There is a secret plan to undermine your relationship. Background: this is my (25F) first serious relationship, but my…. Now, I don’t know where I I still love my ex, I love my ex's caring personality, I love how hard he tried to change things for the better. He is still friends with his ex. I loved kayaking with him, I loved going swimming together, watching shows in his crappy twin bed, smoking weed and drinking with him. He kept proving to me that it‘s over and he only wants to be with me. Things are pretty great except for the fact that he can't stop talking to one of his ex(s). Apr 30, 2024 · Instead of calling him a cheater or thinking, “My boyfriend is texting his ex and lying to me all the time”, think about why you two are drifting apart in the first place. Ring shopping has happened; he’s met my dad (no man in my life ever gets to meet Dad The bottom line is: He’s not over her if he still carries a significant emotional charge about her and their relationship. Making no future plans with you. To cut a long story short: I felt betrayed and also low Jul 31, 2017 · Of course, there are times when you may have been a big part of your partner’s reasons for the breakup. The first incident happened about 2 months into dating him. May 14, 2024 · 14. He gets defensive when you try to bring her up. Win-win. Firstly, it’s crucial to acknowledge that helping an ex-girlfriend can bring up feelings of insecurity and jealousy. Depends on his words. We live in Germany. He also might still kinda into his ex but also has feelings towards you. Set clear boundaries, understand his reasons, and focus on building trust in your Oct 16, 2022 · 8) He’s going to take longer to commit. You're possibly just his rebound. 9. May 2, 2024 · Get him to tell you things about himself– family, job, hobbies, friends, childhood, etc. Regular relationships don't involve breaking up and getting back together cyclically. Ask if he's actually into you. #8 He has latent feelings for her You cannot underestimate the possibility that your boyfriend still holds feelings for his ex. Just how much co-dependency and unhealthiness might be present in your boyfriend’s relationship with his ex-wife cannot be ascertained, especially given only the information you provide. I decided to ask him about this later in the day and we got to talking. “In the beginning of the relationship” meant a month into dating him. Tell him you want him to be honest on this. They broke up…. Sometimes the items don't represent the person who gave you it to you, but maybe a cool memory or thing that happened during that time. She writes: *I have been with my wonderful boyfriend hi, i have a similar issue too, my fiance seperated from his ex wife before we met, but he was still supporting his ex, and i knew that from the start, but i was ok with that cz i had a job at the time, but i had to quit my job due to his work (offshore) that requires us to have a very limited time together, one day we sat down and talk about Aug 19, 2000 · There are a number of possible explanations for his preoccupation. First, I found his instagram and saw he still follows her My advice is ask him if he is serious about a future with you. Tactics such as teasing him with his ex, or sparking jealousy in your boyfriend are terrible ways to get your boyfriend to forget his ex. • 2 yr. That would be wasteful. For example we would talk about our past school days and then he would be like X had a teacher I get you feel insecure about him talking about her a lot but remember he's still suffering from losing her, and he's trying to not forget about her as he's probably afraid that he will. Jambzerino. He is just struggling with some residual feelings for his ex. If you are willing to stick it out, then you It happened when my bf was away on his business trip out bush. It may have been almost 6 years to him it still feels fresh in his mind. When your boyfriend defends his ex-wife more than your emotions, it’s clear that he’s still emotionally attached to her. Things are not adding up for me and I don’t want to feel dumb and gullible. He was my lover, confidant, and best friend. Just ask him. - the fact that you don't want to move into the house with all this stuff being there. 7. If he’s constantly bringing up his ex in conversation, it’s a clear sign he’s not over her. They were their first everything and dated for about 7 years. Another sign he’s thinking about going back to his ex is this: He still talks with his ex-GF’s family and/or friends. When discussing his ex, your boyfriend might be drawing At this point, I’m not sure what you’d lose is you just flat-out told him you’ve been invading his privacy and demand to know why he keeps financially supporting an ex he broke up with nearly a year ago. He told me he really cares about me and wants to continue with me, but that he honestly still has deep feelings for his ex girlfriend, and knows he is not over her. 8. Ask him what you mean to him. And second, that you should trust your gut. Today, my boyfriend admitted that he is still in love with his ex. That kind Encourage him to talk about his feelings: This is everything, your boyfriend needs to talk about his feelings to someone if he’s not able to do so with you. Take the time to discuss your insecurities and fears with him, allowing him to reassure you and explain his reasons for helping his ex. If your guy’s concealing, he’s lying. But they still are friends. I love that he knows how strong and independent I am. If your boyfriend is in constant, regular contact with his ex, he might still have feelings for them. Don’t expect him to want to get serious too quickly. Delve into the complexities of relationships and uncover whether his past connection poses a threat to your current bond. His ex doesn’t work, still lives at home with her parents, doesn’t drive and also has an alcohol problem. Pair them with other signs. He broke up with his ex a year ago so its been a while but I noticed some things that really bother me about his ex. And no matter how much help he gets, he may never fully get over it. Secondly Apr 19, 2024 · Bring up the discussion. So, sleeping with his ex-wife within three Oct 11, 2023 · Notice his behavior and reaction when he is involved with his ex. Spielmann, S. Throwaway cuz boyfriend is a redditor. I decided to do some investigation on his past with his ex bc the bit** called curiosity kept poking my brains. He still lives with his ex wife as says he can't afford to private rent. . Or, he waited, and you came along, so he went out of mourning to be with you. My mom and two of my sisters have asked me why he still has those photos up and I don’t have a clear answer. Your boyfriend likely has feelings about her and their relationship that he Sep 5, 2021 · This obviously isn’t a good sign. But take note if your partner always reaches out to their Two, it’s not just some ex girlfriend, she was his wife. Talk to him and say a lot of what you'd mentioned in the text if she is on his radar, you should know. If your partner isn't sweating your ex being “just a friend,” chances are it's because they know platonic friendship with an ex is possible Jun 27, 2022 · 2. Ask if he still wishes he could be with her. He told me right from the start he was still friendly with his exes but I didn't know to what extent. I know Joseph has chosen not to be with his kids’ mother and, as my best friend likes So I've been with my (26f) boyfriend (26m) for 8 months now. ago. If, after careful consideration, your gut, heart, and mind resolve to call things off with your partner, it’s probably best to stick with your decision. Avoid regular tactics. If you’re dating a divorced man still living with his ex-wife, be advised that he’s going to take longer to commit. Jul 5, 2023 · It’s exhausting at this point! He truly can’t stop thinking of her, however much he may try, and you feel like you’re the third wheel. He may message them on social media sometimes, call them, or meet up with them on occasion. I think my boyfriend is still not over his ex. Communication is the key to every relationship and if you talk about it like adults you will either get through it or be able to make a choice that actually you don't want to be with him and can't Mar 13, 2021 · 8) He’s Reserved & Struggles To Let You In. Jun 16, 2021 · That awkward moment when you move in with your boyfriend and he still lives with his ex Tune in to the series premiere of #YouMeAndMyEx SUNDAY at 10/9c! Dec 21, 2023 · 5. I think it's normal. The next step is forgiveness. I didn’t think much of the consequences and just went for it. I just started following him on Instagram, a few days ago. May 7, 2022 · Feuerman also advised that you should remain calm and "approach your partner with curiosity instead of blame or attack" and try to learn why they are contacting their ex. 0. Listen and if you need to, think about it before answering, then have another conversation, if you have any further questions or concerns. You need to decide if you wanna stay with him or not - because you probably can’t reason him into making you # 1. Make sure it's a two sided dialogue and ask/answer one question at a time. Apr 13, 2023 · This is when things took a turn for the worse: he told me he wasn't in love with her now, but had mistakenly fallen in love with her again a few years back. Personally that wouldn't fly with me and I'd probably leave. May 20, 2024 · If your boyfriend still talks to his ex, it's crucial to have an open and honest conversation about your feelings. Stay firm on the false equivalency logic - you’re not wrong. I (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (27M) for 3 months and things were going well. It is possible that he needs more time to get over her completely. I think it’s important to respect his boundaries. , Joel, S Mar 3, 2018 · Need some advice. Me (24) and my boyfriend (23) have been dating for about 11 months. If he resists, then you know he still hasn't moved on. And that emotional charge can show up in different ways such as anger, attraction, nostalgia, etc. You won't know unless you ask. At this stage, it is necessary to remain apart from your ex. If he’s in contact for practical reasons or the two of them have a shared group of friends, it’s If your relationship is otherwise happy, then the photos only have meaning if you give them meaning. I have two kids both know about my relationship and both like him. May 23, 2012. They were also more likely Jun 19, 2012 · Such behavior feels like a threat. We do not live together, but visit each others apartments around 5 times a week. However it shows up, it shows up as a preoccupation with her and the past. Make it a conversation by telling him about yourself too. Be patient and understanding: Healing from a breakup takes time Jun 20, 2014 · On the rebound: Focusing on someone new helps anxiously attached individuals let go of ex-partners. Focus on your relationship and see what it lacks. With that, you are offering him a nice distraction and getting to know each other. He keeps in touch with his ex-girlfriend’s inner circle. 2. We’ve been dating for two years. Story: A few month ago I found a picture of my boyfriend kissing (what I assumed was) his ex girlfriend while looking for some stuff. We’re both in our early 20’s May 22, 2024 · Accept the finality of the loss. S. Sep 18, 2021 · Sometimes, people get back together with their ex-partner because they discover that other available potential partners aren't so appealing. Be curious and ask questions instead of making accusations. Maybe for personalised gifts or something about their relationship, but something as practical and common as a PS4, there is no reason for him to get rid of it. It's just stuff. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 35, 1382-1394. There's two things to discuss here : - the fact that he still has his ex's stuff and that makes you feel insecure. You should ask him if he's told her he's in a relationship. Has a recent ex just gotten back into his life? Do you have a question like "Does my boyfriend still love his ex?" Take up this quiz and find out if she is a threat to what you have built with him so far. My boyfriend and his ex have been separated for about two years. He assured me that there was nothing to Aug 24, 2016 · Tell him that his ex's duds bother you and ask him to donate them or give them back to her. I felt humiliated and angry that a guy I was devoting my time to turned out to still be hung up over somebody else. 31. If you can come to accept that, you might be able to handle the emotions that come with this. He told me about his ex a month in and by that time I had already liked him too much to break up with him. But it’s important to make a distinction here. It’s important to understand the dynamics at play and set healthy boundaries. They dated from his Sophomore year of high school till his freshman man year of college. Award. Ability to properly communicate is a must in any relationship. However, one thing he said really caught me off guard and kind of offended me. Know if he is keeping any mementos. He talks about her. Sep 15, 2023 · Frequent Mention of the Ex. Sep 18, 2016 · Instead, it was their feelings about their ex and about the breakup that predicted contact: People were more likely to communicate with exes they still had feelings for. He also always said he could never date someone like her. This is especially so if a current relationship is having problems and conflicts. Appeal to their emotions: After picking the right situation, it is also important to say the right things to keep good thoughts and feelings going. Don't look at the pictures on his phone anymore, don't ask him to delete the photos and please don't go down the rabbit hole of questioning why he's with you or comparing yourself to anyone else. My (34F) boyfriend (30M) still follows his ex on IG. If he’s still in regular contact with his ex, he still calls her on the phone, texts her, comments on her social media, likes all her posts, helps her move, this is a red flag. I think my bf still loves his ex. I just don’t know why he loves talking about her so much. I definitely don’t think they should be on a phone plan together anymore, it’s a weird thing to stay on it, I feel like it’s crossing a line though I can’t exactly explain why I think that. May 23, 2012 · By Gena Kaufman. He brings her up in conversations a lot, but really randomly. Anyway, the advice that I’m seeking is: do I 1) just end it, 2) just get over it and not ruin my relationship over it or 3) confront him over it and seriously ask him if he My boyfriend is still in love with his ex. One of the key indicators that your boyfriend is still hung up on his past relationship is when he excessively social media stalks his ex. Adjust to a new life in which the person is absent, and focus on how you enrich your own life going forward. Acknowledgement is everything. My boyfriend still has old pictures of his ex on his computer, and never deleted their old pictures from social media. Naturally he hasn't suddenly changed his mind over a few days so you need to discuss why he felt or feels like he was still in love with his ex. Having a past and some happy memories with someone other than you doesn't necessarily mean that he's in love with his ex, but a little detective work on Jun 16, 2022 · When it comes to separation, forcing someone to move any quicker could risk the past relationship becoming unfinished business. It could be because he’s afraid of getting hurt, and that may link to him not being fully over his ex. A person can’t fix what they won’t face. The goal is to reminisce and talk about good He may have waited because he wasn't ready, and now he feels he is. It’s serious. There are two And you're always going to be worried about chicks who look like this Julia. Aug 28, 2023, 4:40 PM PDT. Dear Amy: My boyfriend is going through a divorce. Talk to him about it and make him understand that it bothers you. In this case the ex partner may seem like a good alternative to the present one. Oct 26, 2017 · 1. Though he may not admit it directly, the way your boyfriend talks and reminisces about his ex makes it all too clear: He still has feelings for someone else. Sounds like best you can do is leave him alone and then he doesn’t get that girl, or you. And I love my new boyfriend. I feel it’s wrong or he’s not being totally honest about his separation. -Crazy in Dallas. Deal with that first. Be mindful of things that remind him of his ex. Once burned, twice shy, as they say…. I have never met his kids or family and he still includes his wife on family trips. True, confronting him in that way almost guarantees some issues in your own relationships, but, honey, you’ve already got major issues. If what he is doing makes you uncomfortable, he will need to decide whether keeping that relationship with his ex is worth making you uncomfortable. Hey guys, throwaway account. Regret. And try to have the courage of bringing it up with him. Been dating boyfriend for 9months now and very happy together except for a couple of things. It might be that she doesn't heed his feelings except when she needs him. Julia Naftulin. There is a reason he is with you Well yesterday I glanced at his phone when a text came up and I saw her (his ex's) name. But, even if he denies it, he should at least resolve to treat you better, because it's what you deserve. They owned their house together and she has bought him out so he pays her rent money. I personally don’t agree with staying friends with ex’s but as I said, it’s his right to choose to stay friends or not. They have been living apart for 11 months. If he is, then everything else must be shut out. Breakups can happen suddenly or unfold Sep 2, 2023 · However, try not to make a big deal out of them. It reminds me of moments in my life that lead up to where I am today. Apr 2, 2024 · Keep Some Distance. ‘So, tell him you’re not going to accept a half-relationship I mean it could mean nothing to him but it obviously won't feel nice to you. If he’s only in sporadic contact, maybe that’s okay. ”. 5 years. I found a box of old letters and pictures of my boyfriend and his ex girlfriend. Unless things are ancient history, this is a sign that things are not quite finished between the two of them. At first sight, this could seem inoffensive. Help him find healthy ways to cope: He needs to find ways to deal with his emotions, or they’re never going to go away. az jh mi nq at pb oe pf wb ls